Viewer discretion is advised because Tony the Undead takes a shower with an actual dead guy, and that’s just creepy.

In the Recaps, Tony and Galvez make the B in FBI stand for BOOM. A can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle DEATH. Hodges to the FBI to play Let’s Make A Deal. A lawyer makes threats. (No surprise there.) Jack is deep into his addiction. And, the J’ackuse! moment with Tony doesn’t go so well. It ends with Tony skipping merrily away with Jack’s drugs, and Jack on the pavement, twitching and lying in his own sick.

Going to do something a little different this week, as this episode, for some strange reason, was all about relationships. The tangled web that binds people one to another. The frayed strands that make up that web. We rise above our flaws, we sink beneath our virtues. We are human.

Jack and Walker

Walker and Jack share a moment in the ambulance, as Jack slowly pulls back from his vegetative state. Jack breaks the bad news to Walker that Tony is Evil, and that he murdered Larry. I assume from Walker’s once again devastating eyes that she’s torn apart by the news that Larry was murdered, and not that she had so much invested in Tony, a guy she’d never heard of less than a day ago. Both Jack and Walker are too deep into their private Idahos to give much care and feeding to their budding relationship this week.

Tony and Galvez

They the terrorists of the United States came together to form an imperfect union, establish injustice, degrade domestic tranquility, thwart the common defense, and promote general panic. Tony arrives at his partner’s hotel room two minutes after gunning down two FBI agents and carjacking their vehicle. Galvez tries to pass a phone book off as the canister, but clever Tony isn’t buying it. He also doesn’t appreciate having a gun pulled on him, so Tony dissolves their partnership permanently with a shower curtain.

Jack and the President

The President is becoming increasingly befuddled, and so Jack easily manipulates her. Hodges will receive a deal to remain dead, which will protect his family. (What Hodges wants.) Hodges will give up his co-conspirators. (What the President wants.) Jack wants to talk to Hodges, sensing an opportunity for threats, intimidation and possibly torture. (What Jack wants.) See, relationships are all about sharing.

Tony and Hot Terrorist Babe

The fake lawyer now shows up at the hotel room. Tony merely winces at his self-inflicted gunshot wound. Tony wants to take the canister and attack now. It’s clear these two have a history. They eye each other like they’re thinking “You are so hot when you’re a murdering terrorist.” A bit later the babe has a conference call with the Group/Imperium/Cartel/Corporation/Syndicate/Collective/Whatever they are, while Tony takes a shower with the dead guy. The little coffee klatsch decide to go ahead and attack. Who knew Roberts Rules of Order could be used to guide the planning of terror attacks. When Tony emerges from the shower, he kisses the babe. Clearly he’s gotten over the death of Michelle, which, in fact, happened years earlier. So, I’ll wonder again, what is Tony’s motivation in all this? As he hung on to that anger all these years?

President and Olivia

All kinds of problems in this family. Olivia cannot believe that Hodges, involved in the murder of dear Roger, is going to get a deal. Once again, Olivia gives no thought to Dear Old Dad, who was nearly killed at least twice because of what Hodges started. Olivia lips off to her mother, who is distressed by the whole ordeal.

Jack and Hodges

A helo drops off Jack and Walker at the hospital. Must have had a spare pilot sitting around. Hodges is a bit ragged around the edges. He’s lucky to be alive. Maybe that’s a sign this Cartel can be defeated, if they can’t even dig up a suicide pill that actually works. Hodges wants to help them out though by finishing the job with a pistol. Jack goes in to interrogate Hodges. Their relationship is testy, adversarial. Olivia can’t watch. Jack threatens, his usual reaction when he feels cornered in a relationship.

Chloe and Morris

The old CTU computers will be taken out of storage, and Jack needs Chloe to help get them going. Chloe is in some hotel room, with Morris sleeping on a sofa pull-out bed. Hmm, Chloe must still be mad at Morris about the whole Jack thing. Well, Morris knew what he was getting into with Chloe. He’d been married to her before. Jack calls, and Chloe jumps. Morris must wonder just where he fits in the whole Chloe, Jack, Morris continuum. Chloe wants Morris and Prescott to get out of town. Good night darling, Mommy has to go save the world. Her hotel must be across the street, because she shows up at the FBI minutes later.

Jack and the FBI

Jack takes us through a rousing staff meeting at the FBI. “Now, a few updates from HR on the new vacation policy…” Tim Moran is a bit of a stickler for detail. And Garofalo gets to play herself, finally, and gets angry about all this government intrusion into privacy. She also snits “what does that make us, CTU-lite?” Later she snivels about Big Brother, and Jack just unloads on her with both  barrels.

Al-Zarian and brother

In a scene very much like the one with Mark and Rainman, Al Zarian the illegal rock worker is making some eggs. At least Al-Z avoided the red peppers. Their relationship is about to be tested in severe ways, as Tony and the gang bust in and start brandishing weapons. (And the brother heads for the door only to find thugs standing outside the door. That’s three times this season! I think DC residents might want to install peepholes, at the very least. Or mine their front doorstep.)

Agent Pierce and Olivia

Olivia is still troubled by the whole Hodges deal. Pierce tries to comfort her, and then sensing an opportunity, says “Is there anything I can do for you?” He must have heard what was going on in the hotel room with the reporter and figured he could get a piece of that action. Poor Aaron, his attraction to crazy women is his greatest weakness.

Janis and Chloe

This is not so much a relationship as a gladiator match. Chloe is again in her element, riding bareback on the CTU servers, her hair flying in the wind.

The viewers and this show

Do I really need to describe this relationship?

The episode ends with the clocks at :00 to :56, and troubled relationships in abundance. A lot of people need healing. A lot of good people need to recommit to each other, to find that spark they once had.

Number of times someone says a variation “Now!”, “No!”, “Move!” or “Go!”: 89
Number of times a “protocol” or “grid” is mentioned: 17
Number of times a “perimeter” is mentioned: 31
Number of times Jack/someone says “Drop the weapon!”: 9
Number of torture scenes : 6
Number of moles: 7
Approximate Body Count: 82, plus one security camera, plus two planes, plus one cable, plus numerous glass doors, plus one finger, plus vintage bottles of methane, plus Starkwood Missile Command, plus some FBI agents