Earlier this week, Nick Coleman wrote a hand-wringing column about how the Guv’nah dared strike from the budget ten million bucks for a new gorilla pad at Como Zoo.

KAR Nation gave it the respect it deserved.

Many of you may not know, though, that Coleman sometimes writes under a pen name. Here is the column he wrote as “Dr. Zoos.”

Tim the Terrible
by Dr. Zoos

A Monday morning at Como Park Zoo,
The gorillas were happily flinging their poo.
A chilly wind biting our shins,
Still the adoring public by the millions came in.

Como often is a scapegoat for cheapskate grandstanders,
The freaks and the geeks and the brassy crooks of the Park Highlander.
Despite frequent attack Como has thrived and survived,
For daughter and son the park is the most visited one.

Nine of ten fab species are here, only elephants are missing,
Just don’t stand next to the tigers when they are pissing.
This is the people’s zoo,” said Lisa McGinnity.
May it last forever, this place for which we have an affinity.

Bump! Bump! Bump! Something made the Chimp jump!
The Chimp, (he’s a simp,) and the Buffalo with his hump.

It was Tim the Terrible and he gave Como a whipping,
Axing millions because the budget was tipping.

With a stroke of his bloody pen, off the page the line items flew,
Alas, the gorillas would not have a shiny new palace in which to fling poo.

From the peaks of Das Capitol to the Avenue called Summit
The kiddies all rose up and cried “Dadgummit!”

As usual today, I will take pity on Young Marty,
This Repugnantcan who is a mental Billy Barty,
And the yobs and the gobs, who, I think this is sooo funny,
Actually believe that trees don’t grow money.

Not a fox, not a mouse, not that trained sea lion and the Reptile House,
We will not see them here or there, we will not see them anywhere.
For Tim the Terrible will hop in his bulldozer
And personally plow Como under, that smug little hoser.

To the slaughterhouse the animals will be sent for a feast
They’ll wind up on our plate as roast beast.
Cindy Lou Who asked “Where are the seals? They were great.”
And Daddy said, “Why, that’s what you just ate!”

By writing this column I’ll get Tim deposed.
Once he’s beheaded I’ll be given a parade with ribbons and bows.
I’ll make my moves on his wife, who’s a cream puff,
She’ll be mighty impressed with me, because I Know Stuff.

Oh, wait, I’m sorry, this just came in.
Apparently Como will remain as it has been.
Tim the Terrible realized we can’t freely spend,
So ten million dollars for gorillas he trimmed.

It’s just that in these times when budgets are tight,
It makes sense to spend wisely, so I’ll cease to write.